Calling It Quits…And Reentry
Reentering into something means you were once involved in that thing and left for some reason, and your reentry into it usually means there was some sort of regret of your initial decision to leave. There are a plethora of reasons why humans quit on things -as much as no one likes to be called this, a lot of us actually are quitters- and it’s perfectly understandable. We leave relationships maybe because they aren’t working as much as we’d like them to, maybe because they’re holding us back or maybe we weren’t even left with much of a choice, sometimes, if something’s gotta end then it’s gotta end. Jobs, we leave those maybe because of mean bosses, mean colleagues, a mean paycheck, a plethora of other reasons or maybe we just aren’t cut out for it.
We leave things because of disappointment, because of failure, or rather, a fear of failure. And that’s perfectly understandable, but why then do we choose to reenter those things that we left behind? Regret? Disappointment? Failure? Were those not the same reasons for which we left in the first place?
I’m not proud of it, but I have quit on many a things in my lifetime. Biology class, for example, simply because I could not, for the life of me, get a good grade in it. I simply did not care for diagrams of the respiratory or reproductive system and it was much smarter to let go of Biology than to let it hold me back. I mean that literally by the way, it could very much have held me back. That’s a great example of failure being the reason why we let go of things and leave things behind. I also did quit Math, for the same reason I quit Biology. Failure. Constant, repetitive failure. I quit a lot of things I failed at and Math just happened to be one of my biggest, most constant failures. Calculating angles, drawing graphs, just not my thing. Math, Biology, I have no regrets quitting on those nor do I harbor any intentions of ever reentering into those subjects which contributed heavily to my gloominess in high school.
There are a number of things you shouldn’t reenter when you quit; things that were toxic, perhaps; or torturous, or just bad for you in general. For example, when you quit smoking, right decision is to stay as far away from nicotine as you possibly can just as I have maintained great distance from Math and Biology over the past 6-ish years.
One thing I did quit some time ago, resulting from a mixture of feelings of disappointment and fears of failure, was writing. Of course, the fact that I am the author of this article is an indicator that I returned to it but years ago, I’d pretty much given up on writing. Growing up, as a kid, I was fascinated by comics and books, from Moby Dick to Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys Mystery Stories to Goosebumps to the Harry Potter franchise and comics published by DC Comics. I loved reading, and naturally, when I was allowed to own a computer of my own, I started writing, inspired heavily by the stories I had read. As a young kid, I received loads of compliments and glowing reviews on my writing from friends, and family, who stated I wrote excellently for a kid of my age and soon, the hobby became a passion. Fast forward a couple years later, to my high school days where I spent a great deal of time writing cheesy science-fiction and even cheesier fan-fiction, while my grades did dip. Eventually, after comparing the stuff I wrote at 14 to the stuff I wrote at 9, I came to the realization that I hadn’t made much progress and that I simply wasn’t very good at writing. I was greatly disappointed by this and at the time, realized that if my dreams for my future was to pursue a career in writing then I was pursuing failure. My writing just wasn’t very good. And so, as a result of disappointment and my fears of failure, I quit writing, and decided to focus on other things.
This time, my quitting didn’t work out. Have you ever quit a relationship because of certain fears or issues and made up your mind that you’d move on, only to realize that moving on wasn’t so easy and that relationship was one of the few things that made life much more bearable? Trust me, if you have experienced this then I fully understand your experience because I felt the same way after choosing to give up on writing.
My decision to quit writing had been driven by ridiculous fears born out of ridiculous comparisons. I was a 14-year old high-schooler and compared my writing to that of middle-aged experienced authors who’d been writing for decades and felt like I’d failed when I’d barely even gotten started. I put an insane amount of pressure on my 14-year old mind, and my mind was very much not ready for that sort of pressure. Quitting writing didn’t make me feel any better, rather, it filled me with a burdening emptiness, a weird hollowing sensation, like I was missing something. So after months away from writing, I delved back in and I felt great again. It didn’t matter if I wrote like a 14-year old or like a 9-year old, I enjoyed what I was doing and that was all that mattered. I read more, I wrote more, I was determined to improve myself so I’d never be crushed by the same sort of self-doubt that had bothered me then.
Now, entering my twenties and a month away from graduating from college -yes, I’m still young, sorry if you assumed I was already in my thirties or something- I can look back at the writings of a 14-year old me and smile, knowing I’ve come a great distance since then and I’m now much closer to where I want to be. I quit a hobby, but I reentered a burning passion. Being a quitter is something I don’t intend to ever be again. Unless, of course, Math and Biology are involved.
